Never before

I don't understand it..
at all.
But the only time I realize that I don't understand it is when I'm alone.
And even then, I don't really care that I don't understand it.

I've learned to trust God when He gives me feelings about things...whether it be people, situations, or anything else.
He saved my life once.
When we truly listen, He guides us through everything.

There is a thought..or series of thoughts..that has been running around my mind for the past day and a half.
Why don't I feel any reservations? No blocks? Nothing to prevent it?
But that has never happened before.

There's always been some kind of block..something to keep part of me separated.
Not this time.
It's been intoxicating me.
Putting me in a different world.
Making me see things in a different way.

It's making me breathe deeper.
Pray harder.
Listen more intently.
Relax more completely.

I look into the peaceful dark orbs before me..
I forget that anything else exists..
It's like I'm getting a glimpse of heaven..
They welcome me in..

I'm lost here..
But safe..
Somehow I know I'm safe..
And I let go..
I let my spirit flow more freely than it ever has before..
I can feel God smiling..
His smile shines through the orbs..
It warms my heart and caresses my soul.

Never before have I let myself be this open..this free..this happy

-----

Dear God,

Thank you for understanding me. For guiding me to this point. I don't always see my next step, but I always know that you'll show me when the time is right. This was a most unexpected step on my path, but it feels like it just might be one of the most amazing, exciting, and memorable steps you've ever given me. Thank you for the gift of RJR! I couldn't possibly thank you enough God. But I will try to show my appreciation through my actions with this step and everything else I encounter in my life. I promise I will be the best man I can possibly be..and then some. You will be reflected in all my actions.