Pushing Through the Struggle

When did things change for the worse?
I'm feeling more distant from you...
     All of you.

I keep reminding myself
Things will get better
That I'll get through this
That it'll just take a little more effort
And I'll be back on my feet again.

I'm trying not to complain
I tell everyone I'm doing ok
...not to worry.
I lie to them
I don't know why.

I distance myself
I'm not even talking to my two best friends
At least not as much as I should
They have their own issues
And I can't add to their stress.

I'll deal with this
I've dealt with worse
I'll figure it out
I'll end up on top
...somehow.

This won't last
It's happening for a reason
God is always teaching me
And guiding me
I still believe everything He's shown me
No matter who says otherwise.

What to Wear

We're going out tonight

Dinner and a show

You ask what should you wear

I say "I don't know"

I get up and follow

As you sigh and walk away

You stand in your closet

I stand in the doorway

You toss a dress to the bed

Another falls to the floor

I smile as I catch your hand

And ask "What are you looking for?"

I pull you closer

And whisper in your ear

I thought about it

I know what you should wear

Just brush your hand through your hair

Like when you get nervous

It reminds me of our first date

And how kissing you took all my courage

I want you to wear those eyes

The dark ones that warm my heart

They look beautiful in any light

Like a true work of art

And could you wear that smile

The one that lights up the room

It would accent your eyes

Like the sun lights the moon

And I'd like you to bring your touch

The one that holds my hand

And erases all my worries

And make it tender, if you can

Of course you'd have to bring your voice

Bring the soft one and the firm one

They go together perfectly

Like a duet beautifully sung

And if you would bring along your heart

So that I can hold it for you,

I'll protect it with my life

And love it like only I can do.



It's just temporary

I'm getting more stressed as the days go on.
I'm in pain with my neck.
I'm having trouble with the insurance company.
It's starting to look like I won't have a job soon.
No income.
No benefits.
Just me and the endless onslaught of people who need help.

I'm unhappy with many things.
I'm trying to turn my mind around.
Trying to make things positive.
I know this is all temporary.

Rambling

I'm laying here...
     Typing...
          Deleting...
     Typing...
          Deleting...

My thoughts are scattered..
     Longing for a taste...
          Flinching with pain...
     Yearning to explore...
          Thinking of work...
    
Touching the heavens
     With my thoughts of friends
Dreaming of the future
     And the success I'm building

I could die tomorrow
With nothing to leave
No child or legacy
No fortune or gift

I've been given stress
     That doesn't belong to me.
But I took it anyway
     Because it's what I do.

Friends are in need
And I'm giving more than I have.
No hope of repayment
No reward for the work.

All I can do
Is smile with God.
He's the only one who knows
He's the only one helping.

Backwards - Christina Perri