Are you there?

I have become a burden
Not only to myself
But to my friends and family
It's one of the most horrible feelings

I have trouble holding back tears
They're constantly just beneath the surface
Waiting..and burning
It hurts

My bad days have dominated
My good days are harder to hold on to
I pray for guidance
I see darkness

I'm trying to break it
I'm trying hard
I won't give up
Not this time

It's taking a toll on me
I'm isolating myself
I know I shouldn't
But my strength has diminished.

....God...are you there?

Drifting

He had no idea
How he got there
Alone on a raft
No land in sight

He could hear no voices
See no sun
He could feel no wind
Sense no direction

A box floats toward him
He fishes it out
Inside he finds a message
Clearly written to him

It tells him of an island
He is destined to find
There he'll be happy
There he'll be loved

Drifting on open water
With nothing but faith
Wishing for a current
To speed him on his way

Looking to the horizon
He finally sees land
But the waters are against him
They're pulling him away

That was the land
The one in the message
The distance is growing
Soon it'll no longer be seen

Does he trust in the message
Does he follow the current
A voice in the wind
Urges his decision

He jumps in the water
Risking his life
He swims with all his might
The water fights him back

He looks toward the land
He knows that's the place
He swims even harder
Courage burning inside

He may not make it
But he knows he has to try
Pushing his soul to its limits
The water seems to swallow him

Giving in to the pain
He accepts that he's drowning
He closes his eyes
And blackness engulfs him

Suddenly it's calm
He feels warmth again
Opening his eyes
He's blinded by light

As he looks to his right
Just below the sun
A silhouette of a woman
Approaches him with love

Traveling On

I have been walking down
A self destructive path
Fueled by the fire of others

I caught myself
I saw where I was heading
Now, I believe
I corrected my direction

I still feel the hurt and anger
That reached deep within me
But I'm repairing that now

I miss my conversations with God
Those moments set aside every night
To quiet my mind
Quiet my soul
And listen to the silence

I hardly remember the last time
I silenced myself to that point
But I need to do it again
And often

I was upset with God
I felt betrayed
I felt lied to
Or maybe that He gave me
A destination I cannot reach

I guess I still feel that way
I still believe in it
I'm just prevented from proving it

I'll repair the wounds
And get my bearings
Then travel on

Last Day on Earth - Kate Miller-Heidke

Tonight's obsession...
Her voice dug into my soul
The song inspired a scene in my book

I really have to finish that book...
There's so much creativity in it
So much of my life
So many of the people I love
One day...

The Horizon's Paradise

I look to the horizon

And see an incredible sight

The colors are magic

It's magnetic

It pulls me

It draws me in

It lights a fire in me

Standing at the edge of a canyon

I'm unable to travel toward it

Just a distant paradise

A dreamer's dream

But I still feel its warmth

Even at such a distance

I travel the edge of the canyon

To another horizon

One I don't see

A slim hope for such a paradise

Unless a bridge is built

From the other side

I must travel toward the unknown

Resignation

So I resigned from my job today
I really had little choice
But I'm sure I'll find my way

I wish I could just do this photography full time now
But we don't have the equipment yet
Soon though...soon

My life feels like it's in the midst of a storm
I'm being blown through the chaos
Just trying to find my footing

From time to time
I'll lose hope
But I've been able to fight back

It's been taking a toll on me though
I miss my friends
I miss my life

God has His reasons
And I'll learn through all this
It'll make sense in the end

Slipping

I've been pushing back these walls
With all my strength
I'm beginning to worry though
'Cause I'm losing strength

I put on a strong face for the world
While my heart twists in pain
Part of me wants to give in
Part of me knows I can't

I keep fighting back
And giving myself room
Then those walls crush me again
And I'm suffocating

I have no room to move
No breath to scream
The only strength I have left
Is my faith inside

I barely hear the friendly voices
Though I know they're there
I can't reach out a hand
I can't look to find them

I made some progress lately
But today I lost my footing
I slid further than I was before
And now I'm on my knees

I need help getting out of this
Before I lose all hope
I'm not sure which way to turn
But I'll still listen for your voice

It'll burn again

I can feel it deep inside

I haven't felt it in months

That magnetism I once had

Before it was crushed from me

When I could do no wrong

When it guided me

When it showed me love

And brought me connections

I believed in it completely

It was never wrong

Then it was challenged

They fought blindly

And I lost faith

It was lost since then

But I catch glimpses of it

Like a firefly at night

Burning for a moment

And disappearing the next

Perhaps one day

It'll burn true again

And I'll regain the faith

I lost back then