Before she walks away

I stand alone within a crowd
Catching glimpses of a distant love
Unable to catch it or to follow it

With every glance she's further away
Out of reach and unable to hear me
But still wrapped around my mind
      And my heart

I look around among the passing faces
Some offer smiles or even winks
Then a hand catches mine and makes me turn

I'm caught off guard but I like the scene
The warmth of her offered hand tempts me
Do I walk with her or continue my search?

Either way I'll spend my life wondering
Either way I'll spend my life happy
I must make a decision quickly
      Before she walks away

Stay away

I'm aggravated tonight
It started with just one thing
And I allowed it to turn into an avalanche.

My mistake..
And now I get to lie here in bed
Writing about my complaints.

I'm trying hard to stop the negative thoughts
But tonight they're flooding my mind
And I'm drowning in it.

I'm not talking to anyone until this passes
I'll say things I don't want to say
If I talk to anyone.

I can actually feel the words
Waiting beneath my skin...
Waiting to be unleashed on you.

Please...
Just let me sleep
And wake me up in the morning
With something to make me smile.

Closure

I realized today
    I need closure.
I won't ever find
    Or reach my potential
Without closure.

There are a few ways
For me to achieve this
But I don't know the best way.

Hopefully I'll figure it out soon.

A closing chapter...

There have been moments
Over the past few days
When I see another chapter of my life
Beginning to be written

Then the writer wonders
Is this chapter really done?
Should I end all the open possibilities
With such a sudden turn of events?

I quiet my mind
I listen for that whisper
        That reassuring guide
                  That gentle, but strong voice within
I can hear it
It's there as it always is

I see a future
I see a shadow of love
         But I can't see its source
                   Could it be her?
Some things aren't meant to be seen beforehand
This I know

I ask for a clearer sign
To guide me one way or the other
And bring me peace in this decision
Or at least closure in others.

Another difficult choice

As sure as I was
(and still am)
About the choices
I've been making..

Some of the choices I made
Have been taken away from me
Before they could even come to be.

So I'm left looking around
At what I have left
And the possibilities
Of the choices still around me.

Though as I explored a choice tonight,
I realized that I'm entering a possibility
With a choice which has a deep impact on my life.

It's a decision I can't take lightly
One that I must say yes to
Because of the man I am.

But it's also a decision
I must say no to
Because of the beliefs I have.

This will undoubtedly be
The toughest decision of all.

What I'd give for my earlier choice
To return itself to me
And save me from the decision to come.

My barrier

I have come to another barrier
Barring the path to something
I believe to be extraordinary.

I stand in disbelief at this barrier
Staring into the distance
Taking in the last breaths of this air.

I'm tempted to find a way around
But I stop myself
Because of the love and respect I have for this place.

I accept the blessings I've received
And I will love them beyond words
My happiness grows with them.

I'm sure

There is so much I want to say
But I don't know where to start.

I'm at a great point in my life.
My energy is wide open
My mind is wide open
My heart is wide open
And my soul...is finally reaching out
To pull in some gifts from the universe.

I feel God's presence in my life
More strongly than before.
I feel His energy in the people around me
In the wind and trees
In the words spoken
And the words taken in

I've never felt this in tune
This certain
About my life
My pursuits
My decisions
And my capabilities.

Things may still be difficult
Or aggravating
But I'm doing the right things
Of that I'm sure.

My heart aches..

Someone, who's not even a good friend,
Has been entering my mind a lot.
I kept feeling pain
Whenever I thought of her.

And when this happened
I simply sent her love and peace.
But the feelings are getting worse.
I'm worried about her.

I want to hug her
And hold her
Until she knows
Everything will be ok.

She brings so much to the world.
So much beauty
So much love
But she has so much pain.

I wish I could take her pain for her.
But that's not for me to hold.
She'll make it through eventually.
I just pray that it's soon.

Until then, I'll send her my love
And offer my help.

2010 Flashback

2010
The highlights:

Losses..
  My cousin, Devin...remembered.
  Two friends, Chris and Danielle...remembered.

Family..
  Lilli joins Emma and Sara in my brother's family
  Tori joins Kayla in my sister's family
  My aunt battles cancer...and wins
  Danielle's mother brushes elbows with death...and comes out alive.
 
Friends..
  Jasmine, a new best friend and a dynamic new relationship
  Ingrid, marries a great man, Chady, and I was thrilled to be there
  Nichelle, and more ups and downs between us, but we always end up better than before
  Kelly, still doing well and still a huge part of my life
  Alicia, a new addition with intrigue
  Andy, one of the great men in this world, and I'm lucky enough to call him a dear friend
  Julian, my comic relief in life and a very good friend
  Kia, love her..so glad she came into my life
  Susanna, she's made my commute one of the best parts of my day

The Complications..
  GW
  RR
  GA
  KC
  HD

Career..
  I spoke at a convention in Princeton, but still haven't put my effort into my private practice (this will change in the coming year)
  I grew comfortable at Carrier..so I put in for a new position last week which will open up much more time to pursue photography and my hypnosis practice.

Overall..
  It was a good year..
  Not the best, but good.
  It felt more like a building year.
  So I look forward to 2011.

  I was hurt by unexpected people.
  I was held by unexpected people.
  I felt an energy I've never felt before.
  I faced challenges, and came out on top.

  Big plans and big goals will be achieved
  Because of the seeds planted in 2010.