Sunday, January 31, 2010

A small tribute to Jazmine

I've worked with many outstanding models, but Jazmine brought an energy with her that was truly inspiring. We spent an entire day shooting, in the studio and then out in the mountains on a chilly, rainy day.

The beauty she portrays in her images goes beyond the physical. I could feel the freedom and joy emanating from her whether we were shooting or not. You can't help but love this woman when you meet her. She opens your mind and heart to things you haven't seen or noticed before. By doing that, she makes everyone around her better than they thought they were.

I was only able to spend time with her for two days before she returned to the west coast, but she is one person in this world who has touched my soul. Everyone who knows her, I'm sure, would agree on that.

It's so uplifting to know that people like Jazmine are in this world. Her beauty, both physical and inner, are what make this world such a great place to live.

Thank you Jazmine...for modeling for me and becoming a friend along the way.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Your hold is released

For over a year your hold on me has been unbelievable. I wanted you and no one else. Even when I went on a date to try to let go of one was able to make me stop thinking about you.

I saw a future for us that could've been great, but the distance you kept yourself at stopped that future before it started. I still wanted to be with you..and at some level, you wanted to be with me.

I started putting all my effort into letting go of this feeling...going on more dates, meeting more people...but I still knew that even if I found someone great and began a relationship with her, and you came up to me with all your strength and beauty, I would throw myself in your arms and become the cheater I never was before.

No one compared to you. Then I met someone else. We spent time together. We went on our first date. This time it was different. I forgot all about you. Not once during all the time we spent together did I think about you....

Then we shared our first kiss. A kiss that for the first time in a long time I had no one in my mind besides the person I was kissing. Her alone.

Now, as I sit here writing this, I can honestly say that I'm moving on. I suppose I'm a little sad about it in a way. After all, I did see us as a great match. Is it temporary? Only time will tell. I'm walking this road, and wherever it takes me.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Devin Weiss 7/22/73 - 1/7/10

His viewing was last night. My family and I all kept our composure fairly well for it. He was young, and it was so unexpected...I was surprised I didn't see more tears.

Today was his family was a wreck. People I've never seen cry were crying hysterically. I heard my aunt (his mother) stuttering through her tears, "if I could change places with him, I would..." Her face was red and stained with rivers of tears. It was hard. We will all miss you Devin.

Naturally it made me think of my own mortality. Are there things I haven't said that I'd like to say? Definitely.

Maybe this blog will help me say those things before it's too late...

Monday, January 11, 2010

An argument

A few days ago, I had an argument. It doesn't happen often, but with some subjects I'm definitely going to stand my ground.

Who it was with, and how it came up don't matter.

I've been seeing a girl...nothing serious yet, but it's definitely heading that way. She's black. I'm white. Should that matter? Not to me, but apparently there are still people who think that it's not right to date outside your race.

I asked the person I had the argument with if they would rather me date a white girl who treats me like shit, or a black girl who treats me with love and respect.

...No response...and I walk away.


I hate making decisions.

That doesn't make sense when you look at my philosophy about life...I always believed that whatever we've chosen in the past is exactly what needed to be done in order to bring us to where we're going.

Our decisions, the good and the bad, lead us to where we need to be.

The trouble is I have problems letting the future happen as it will. I see a future that I want and I want to make the right decisions to get there.

For instance, I believe very shortly (next few weeks) I'll need to decide between three different choices. My mind and my heart are telling me very different things. Which do I follow?

Sunday, January 10, 2010


It was such a strange feeling being there. It just felt different. Maybe because I do Reiki and other energy practices, but I could definitely feel a big difference in the energy that surrounded Stonehenge.

I liked it. It made me feel connected to things I couldn't see or understand. I knew I was missing something in this world...but at the same time I wasn't. It's all around us if we take the time to notice.

I remember doing an energy session with this lady. I was still fairly new to it, but I could easily feel fluctuations in people's energy. As I scanned her body and felt for changes, I felt this cold push on my hands when I was above her abdomen. With that cold push, I also felt this huge I was completely let down..but I felt it like a child.

After the session I talked to her about this and when I described the emotions I felt, she began to cry. She said I was right, and that she has been holding it in her whole life. She explained what it was and the story fit exactly how I felt. I wanted to tell her that was all, but I felt like something else was there...something more physical. So I told her my thoughts and that maybe going to a doctor for a checkup would be a good idea.

A few weeks later I received a call from her telling me that she had gone to the doctor and had her checkup. She had ovarian cysts. I didn't want anything like that for her, but at the same time it gave me peace in knowing that I have learned to interpret energy.

It's my gift. I like it. I want to explore it more. There must be more.

What am I doing?

Why would I write my thoughts on the internet where anyone can read them? I value my privacy so much...why would I do this?

Will I really be honest about what I write if I think someone I know will read them? Do I care?

I have no goals in writing a blog. It's absolutely whatever random thought happens to be on my mind when I'm at my desk writing.

However, I do promise myself to be honest. If someone reads a post and sees that it's about them, then so be it. I'm not hiding anything here. Besides, how can you ever be mad at someone for having thoughts? What I do with these thoughts is a different story, but while they are only thoughts written in some random place in this digital one can judge them as wrong. We may disagree, but neither of us will be wrong.

Hmm...maybe I'll post some of my photography here as well. Just randomly pick a shot that I happen to like and post it...maybe tell a little story about how it came to be..maybe just put it up with no explanation.

We'll see where this goes...