Christmas...

I'm trying so hard to be happy for Christmas.
This is a time of year when I'm usually bursting
with love, energy, and happiness.
This year I feel very little of any of it.

I know it's there.
I just can't feel it.
Which is so frustrating.
I just wish I could curl up and sleep..
Preferably with someone's arms around me..
Or my arms around them.

I haven't felt this alone in years.
Why has it been hitting me lately?
I sometimes wish I was more like other guys.
So I could just go have sex with someone and be ok.
But I'm not like other guys.

So back to Christmas.
I need to be thankful for what I have.
I'll try to focus on all of that.
I'll try to hold Jesus close to my heart.
I'll try to remember the promise I made..
and the sacrafice I offered..
and the reason.