My conflict

It's one of those days today
When I seem angry or sad about everything
I don't know what it is
Maybe it's the rain
Or the frustrations I have
Or maybe that I feel overlooked...
Ignored..

I usually don't care if I'm overlooked
But sometimes
It hits me harder than it should

I want to be alone today
But I want the company of certain people
But I don't
I need to be close with someone today
Without having to feel obligated to be close

If I were more physically expressive..
I'd be crying right now
I feel it in me
It wants to come out
I'm torn

Even a call from someone I love dearly
Did nothing to lift me up
I wish I could go hide somewhere
And if anyone found me
I would hold them close to me
And let it all out

But I can't hide
I have to help heal others
I have to create a veil of happiness
So these people can be lifted just a little
The burden I carry is heavy sometimes
And I fear the loneliness that comes with it

I'll get through today
Hardly anyone will see my conflict
I have a gift for masking it
But some know me too well
They will be reassured
And I'll move on.

Perhaps one day I will receive
The closeness I crave
Even if it's merely a moment
Cause at least then
I will have felt the energy
Of two dynamic souls
In the dance of passion and life.