Don't let that happen

I'm trying hard
to understand what we have
but then I look
and you're further away
I don't like this
it will take a toll
but I'm still trying
What will we be
if this continues
Will I lose you completely
and be someone you used to know

Don't let that happen

Step after Step

It's 3:30am
I'm tired
Worn out
But I can't sleep

My mind jumps
From one thing to another
My body is as restless as my mind
So I reach for my trusty laptop

Here I can write
Free from judgement
Just my words
Being thrown on the screen

I wish for her permission
To hold her and to touch her
A wish I know I can't have
But a wish nonetheless

Maybe I'm foolish for that
Would it really help me in the end
All it would do
Is get me through the present

I hate myself for thinking like that
I would never want to use her
I'll have to find my strength elsewhere
Or just ask Him for a hand

The roads I want to take are closed
So I'll travel another way
I trust God knows what He's doing
That He's simply giving a chance to grow

All my pain makes me stronger
And makes me understand people more
So I can fulfill my obligations
That I so long ago promised

I'm creating a life of love
And one day I'll share it
For now I keep building
And taking step after step

The Heat Of Happiness

My happiness got buried
Beneath an avalanche of love
It was lost and neglected
Until I realized it was gone

I knew it was in there
I just needed to reach for it
It always returns to me
When it feels my intention

My happiness is returning
I feel it within
Its warmth is comforting
To the coldness I've felt

With happiness in tow
To act as my shield
Can I explore this new scene
With a passionate desire

The landscape has changed
And others are cautious
But there's nothing left to fall
And I'm geared up for adventure

Self Preservation

I've brought pain upon myself
I allowed myself to fall
And I landed hard

I asked for a softer landing
But she could not cushion the ground
Nor could she comfort me while I was down

Any little bit would help
But to preserve herself
She had to steer clear

I can respect that
She must live her life
According to her beliefs

I wander alone now
Hoping for some comfort
Or maybe a simple escape

Occassional trips into paradise
A vacation from the unrest
Will rejuvenate and renew me

Until the day comes
When I am whole again
And ready to explore the world

The void

Sadness surrounds me
Like a cloudy night
I see nothing but darkness
And hear nothing but echos

I had to let go
This I understand
I know it isn't fair
To ask for anything more

I just wish I could have more
Of those magical moments
One day, perhaps,
Someone will fill that void

I'm told I have options
There are others to hold
It will never be as complete
As having even part of her

Maybe my view is distorted
Maybe I'm being selfish
I simply know what feels right
Even when there's nothing to feel

Last Embrace

**The song above was playing as I wrote**

She came

In the dead of night

To tell him

And show him

She loved him

He stared

Not believing his eyes

She was there

Walking toward him

Sliding her arms around his neck

The moon

Was all the light they had

The only witness

Of the last embrace

They could have

Crickets

Sang them a love song

As their lips met

With no words

And their passion rose

Their love

Was deep and true

But it wasn't enough

This was the last of its kind

They both knew

They made love

On a blanket of grass

The heat between them

Igniting the heavens above

With stars joining the moon

His eyes

Were afraid to open

He didn't want to see her go

He could stay in this dream forever

And make the last embrace..endless

The sun

Soon forced his eyes to open

He lay there in disbelief

As he found himself staring

At the ceiling of his room

The Oasis

A man
Traveling the world
Found himself wandering
Through desert sands

He learned to survive
By being still in the heat
And moving
In the cool air of night

He adapted to this life
And even found happiness in it
Finding water in unusual places
And shelter where there was none

Walking one night
He smelled something in the air
It drew him in
And guided him east

He found paradise
An oasis of unparalleled beauty
It held everything he dreamed of
And it quenched a thirst he didn't know he had

As the sun rose
His love rose with it
New colors erupted from the horizon
His life was renewed

Every now and then
A goddess emerged at night
Rising from the water
To fill the only empty space within him

But she wasn't completely there
And she had to leave with the rise of the sun
There were signs that she would stay one day
And they would stay strong in their embrace

He wanted to stay here
In this perfect embrace
But he didn't know how long it would be
Until she would be able to stay

Then a message came for him
A rescuer was coming to take him away
He didn't know where this would be
But he knew he would have company

He could turn them away
So he could have his occassional embrace
With the possibility of his goddess
Becoming real and true forever

He needed more time to decide
He needed another night in her embrace
He would be giving up so much
If he was to be taken away.