Self Preservation

I've brought pain upon myself
I allowed myself to fall
And I landed hard

I asked for a softer landing
But she could not cushion the ground
Nor could she comfort me while I was down

Any little bit would help
But to preserve herself
She had to steer clear

I can respect that
She must live her life
According to her beliefs

I wander alone now
Hoping for some comfort
Or maybe a simple escape

Occassional trips into paradise
A vacation from the unrest
Will rejuvenate and renew me

Until the day comes
When I am whole again
And ready to explore the world

The void

Sadness surrounds me
Like a cloudy night
I see nothing but darkness
And hear nothing but echos

I had to let go
This I understand
I know it isn't fair
To ask for anything more

I just wish I could have more
Of those magical moments
One day, perhaps,
Someone will fill that void

I'm told I have options
There are others to hold
It will never be as complete
As having even part of her

Maybe my view is distorted
Maybe I'm being selfish
I simply know what feels right
Even when there's nothing to feel

Last Embrace

**The song above was playing as I wrote**

She came

In the dead of night

To tell him

And show him

She loved him

He stared

Not believing his eyes

She was there

Walking toward him

Sliding her arms around his neck

The moon

Was all the light they had

The only witness

Of the last embrace

They could have

Crickets

Sang them a love song

As their lips met

With no words

And their passion rose

Their love

Was deep and true

But it wasn't enough

This was the last of its kind

They both knew

They made love

On a blanket of grass

The heat between them

Igniting the heavens above

With stars joining the moon

His eyes

Were afraid to open

He didn't want to see her go

He could stay in this dream forever

And make the last embrace..endless

The sun

Soon forced his eyes to open

He lay there in disbelief

As he found himself staring

At the ceiling of his room

The Oasis

A man
Traveling the world
Found himself wandering
Through desert sands

He learned to survive
By being still in the heat
And moving
In the cool air of night

He adapted to this life
And even found happiness in it
Finding water in unusual places
And shelter where there was none

Walking one night
He smelled something in the air
It drew him in
And guided him east

He found paradise
An oasis of unparalleled beauty
It held everything he dreamed of
And it quenched a thirst he didn't know he had

As the sun rose
His love rose with it
New colors erupted from the horizon
His life was renewed

Every now and then
A goddess emerged at night
Rising from the water
To fill the only empty space within him

But she wasn't completely there
And she had to leave with the rise of the sun
There were signs that she would stay one day
And they would stay strong in their embrace

He wanted to stay here
In this perfect embrace
But he didn't know how long it would be
Until she would be able to stay

Then a message came for him
A rescuer was coming to take him away
He didn't know where this would be
But he knew he would have company

He could turn them away
So he could have his occassional embrace
With the possibility of his goddess
Becoming real and true forever

He needed more time to decide
He needed another night in her embrace
He would be giving up so much
If he was to be taken away.

Rebuilding Me

What am I to say?
I let myself fall off track
Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually
I wasn't taking care of myself
But I'm refocusing now

Mentally, I'm back on track
My mind is focusing much more easily
Ideas are coming easily
Motivation is building quickly
My ability to organize is being magnified
And my eagerness to learn is mind-blowing

Emotionally, I'm taking a break
My heart has dealt with too many ups and downs
I lost Harmony...and that's devastating for me
Everyday I wish for her to call me
It burns inside me when I think of her leaving
Jasmine and I are building our friendship
Which should make things easier for us
I guess I was wrong there, but I'm ok with that
She's a phenomenal friend and I'm blessed to have her as such

Physically, I'm getting healthier
I'm running more consistently
And doing Tai Chi and Aikido
I'm also beginning to eat healthier..
Or at least cutting back on the unhealthy things

Spiritually, I'm opening up again
I'm getting back into my meditation routine
Quieting my mind and expanding my energy
This, I feel, may be the most important part of my rebuilding
I connect with God and feel Him all around me
With a strong spirit, I can achieve it all

I feel like I'll be making some huge strides this year
And it's all beginning right now

Love and drinking...

Free writing..under the influence of alcohol...


Just let us be who we are
Don't stop emotions
Because it might change some dynamics
Everything in life changes

The bond we have is stronger
Than seems possible
Why not let it grow
By letting it guide us?

Love may be scary
Love leaves us open
But it can be so beautiful
When you stop denying it

The love is obvious
How deep, we don't know
But it's there waiting
For the leash to be taken away

A life awaits you
But only after you break your chains
You need to be free
From the prison you built yourself

Alone..in the light of the sun

My pain is real this time..
I had a woman ready to be my wife
And mother of my children

She would've been great
I felt it deep inside
And still I let her go

I felt another love..
Deeper than anything
A love so pure

My love for you
Was bright within me
A star in the night sky

But in the light of the sun
It would never be seen
Lost in the heavens...

My tears keep coming
When I think of your departure
I don't want you to leave

I know it's the right decision
But a fear is growing
That I will forever be alone