A Lifetime, in one year.

Sometimes,

We are reminded of some of the most amazing moments,

Or the most amazing people,

By things that are ordinary to others.

This is my tribute to a year

That taught me how to love,

That showed me comfort,

That inspired me to go further.

In essense,

This was what made me

Feel that I can die a happy man

Because I learned how to smile with my soul.

So here is a series of photos

Found across the internet

That fits somewhere

Within my soul.

I'm not myself

I haven't been feeling like myself.
I've been swamped with negative thoughts.
I need to change this.
Pain or no pain,
I need to keep my heart from growing cold.

I think I need to change several things in my life.
I need to move.
I need to change my job.
I need to pursue wedding photography.
Just a few of the things I need to do.

I haven't been on a date in quite some time.
So I should start dating again.
I think that might help my attitude.
It'll be hard to find someone
Who will be anything close to the one in my heart,
But I guess I have to try.
She may never see what I see.

So I'm making myself work on these things
For the remainder of the week.
I will find myself again.
I need to find myself again.

Suffering

I hate the way I feel
I hate it
My mind gets trapped
My emotions go wild
I shouldn't feel that way
I should be happy

I'm in pain as well
Pain that stops me in my tracks
And that stops me
From fighting my emotions
And fall into darkness

I'm mad at my friends
Since I've been injured,
Only two have offered
To come see me
It makes me feel
Like I'm only a friend
When I'm useful to them

That hurts...

More than the pain itself.

I sit alone
Every night
Wishing for a knock on my door
Wishing...
To feel loved.


Alone again.
Falling.
The love in me
The only warmth I feel.

My Unfinished Gift

God?

Are you there?

Of course you're there...
  You're always there...
    Or here, I guess.

I only want to say a few things...
  Not to ask you to change them,
    Just to get them off my chest.

You have given me someone to love.
  I am beyond grateful for that!
But you've given them beliefs and preferences
  That prevent them from loving me back.

That sucks God.

I know I told you long ago
  That I would stay single my whole life
    If that would help me serve you.

It's becoming clearer now
  That you are holding me to that.

I shouldn't complain
  There are people who go their whole lives
    Without ever feeling a love so pure.

You've given me a gift
  And I am ashamed to point out
    That your gift seems unfinished.

Perhaps I will love someone else
  As true as I love her
    Though that seems impossible.

And perhaps someone will love her
  As true as I love her
    Though that, too, seems impossible.

I love that she is in my life
  Even if it's just as friends

    Cause she's still
    The greatest gift
    You've ever given me.

And when my body dies
  I will come to see you
    And give you the greatest hug

        For the unfinished gift
        That was far greater
        Than any fully-finished gift
        Any man could possibly receive.

I know I seem unappreciative now,
  But I know a gift from God when I see one.
    And I feel your presence
      Every time she's near me.

Believing in the Night

Sometimes...
     I lay awake at night.

Imagining...
     A life
          different
               than the one I have.

Tonight...
     I'm picturing life as it is.

Believing...
     In myself,
          my dreams,
               and the people close to me.

For once...
     I'm blind in the night.

Knowing...
     That everything
          I need
               will be given to me.

Fearing...
     Nothing.