Friday, May 28, 2010

Virtual to Reality

I haven't been writing much on my blog...perhaps due to me finding my way back into my journal I have in this "real" world. I'm not sure what makes me want to write more on paper than to type on my computer. Maybe it's just because I can look at my journal and actually see the mood I was in by the intensity of my handwriting..maybe it looks more like a bit of me I'm leaving behind everyday..I don't know.

I've been struggling with several things this year and I try so hard not to think "what next?" but I find those words entering my thoughts from time to time. My always positive attitude has diminished to a vaguely coherent side show during the past several months and I'm worried about how to get that attitude back to forefront of my life.

I need a career change...I need to let go of my ex-girlfriend (we're friends now)..not that I want to date her anymore, but I've been trying to help her through a hard part of her life and she is completely draining me of all the energy I have left. I don't think she even realizes how much trouble I'm having in my own life.

But then I think.."If I died tomorrow and I didn't do everything I could to help someone I loved, would I be happy..or would I regret not helping?" I want people to remember me as someone who sacrificed anything to help people. I want to know I left this world a better place when my time comes to move on.

Help me find my way again. There's much I need to do in this lifetime..I need to find my way to the path that leads me there...out of this dark, overgrown forest.

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