Emotionless

People ask me
How I keep so level headed
When it comes to my emotions.

Then I wonder how I can't.

There are times in my life
When I allow myself to get excited
To acknowledge the deep emotions
To express them and show them..

Then with rare exceptions
I have it taken from me
And I feel a hurt deeper
Than anyone understands.

I keep level headed
To protect myself.
Because it seems my emotions
Run far deeper
Than the average person.

So many people think
I don't feel those emotions.

But that's so far from the truth.

I feel too much
Too deeply.

Knowing that about myself
I continually keep my emotions in check
So I can experience life to its fullest.

Rising star

The past few months
Have been extremely difficult
I was dropped into a darkness
That left me weak and tired

Then a couple weeks ago
A new star rose above the horizon
Guiding me to a warmer place
And a better future

I'll follow this light
Out of the dark
Into a new world
Of promise and life.

Are you there?

I have become a burden
Not only to myself
But to my friends and family
It's one of the most horrible feelings

I have trouble holding back tears
They're constantly just beneath the surface
Waiting..and burning
It hurts

My bad days have dominated
My good days are harder to hold on to
I pray for guidance
I see darkness

I'm trying to break it
I'm trying hard
I won't give up
Not this time

It's taking a toll on me
I'm isolating myself
I know I shouldn't
But my strength has diminished.

....God...are you there?

Drifting

He had no idea
How he got there
Alone on a raft
No land in sight

He could hear no voices
See no sun
He could feel no wind
Sense no direction

A box floats toward him
He fishes it out
Inside he finds a message
Clearly written to him

It tells him of an island
He is destined to find
There he'll be happy
There he'll be loved

Drifting on open water
With nothing but faith
Wishing for a current
To speed him on his way

Looking to the horizon
He finally sees land
But the waters are against him
They're pulling him away

That was the land
The one in the message
The distance is growing
Soon it'll no longer be seen

Does he trust in the message
Does he follow the current
A voice in the wind
Urges his decision

He jumps in the water
Risking his life
He swims with all his might
The water fights him back

He looks toward the land
He knows that's the place
He swims even harder
Courage burning inside

He may not make it
But he knows he has to try
Pushing his soul to its limits
The water seems to swallow him

Giving in to the pain
He accepts that he's drowning
He closes his eyes
And blackness engulfs him

Suddenly it's calm
He feels warmth again
Opening his eyes
He's blinded by light

As he looks to his right
Just below the sun
A silhouette of a woman
Approaches him with love

Traveling On

I have been walking down
A self destructive path
Fueled by the fire of others

I caught myself
I saw where I was heading
Now, I believe
I corrected my direction

I still feel the hurt and anger
That reached deep within me
But I'm repairing that now

I miss my conversations with God
Those moments set aside every night
To quiet my mind
Quiet my soul
And listen to the silence

I hardly remember the last time
I silenced myself to that point
But I need to do it again
And often

I was upset with God
I felt betrayed
I felt lied to
Or maybe that He gave me
A destination I cannot reach

I guess I still feel that way
I still believe in it
I'm just prevented from proving it

I'll repair the wounds
And get my bearings
Then travel on

Last Day on Earth - Kate Miller-Heidke

Tonight's obsession...
Her voice dug into my soul
The song inspired a scene in my book

I really have to finish that book...
There's so much creativity in it
So much of my life
So many of the people I love
One day...

The Horizon's Paradise

I look to the horizon

And see an incredible sight

The colors are magic

It's magnetic

It pulls me

It draws me in

It lights a fire in me

Standing at the edge of a canyon

I'm unable to travel toward it

Just a distant paradise

A dreamer's dream

But I still feel its warmth

Even at such a distance

I travel the edge of the canyon

To another horizon

One I don't see

A slim hope for such a paradise

Unless a bridge is built

From the other side

I must travel toward the unknown