Storms

I sit here with the lights down low
Rain pounding above me
Wind whistling by the windows
Flashes from the sky lighting my room
The roar of Irene in the distance

Nature is reflecting my heart tonight
A storm rages inside me
A rare moment of anger
Spinning toward one I love

I spoke words I believe
And they were diminished
Like they have no weight at all
It hurt me and angered me
Mostly because of what she means to me

My insides feel twisted
My heart is on fire

Another late night

Once again I lie awake.
My mind too busy to let me sleep.

My life is transitioning.

I've reached a new starting point.

It's exciting for me,
but I still wish I didn't feel so alone.

It's doesn't seem fair
That I offer so much as a man
And I'm never given the chance.

But I can't force anything.
I need to just live my life.

Perhaps I'll die alone

Perhaps I won't.

All I can do
Is let my heart love
And hope it finds a home one day.

Until then,
I'll build my life.
I'll secure my life.


And I'll love...

Returning home

The rain fell upon my head

As I walked to up to my door

Already drunk and ready for bed

I opened the door and fell upon the floor

I stumbled into my room

And stared into the mirror

I asked what I could do

To catch my falling tear

I strummed a sad, sad song

Through the dust on my guitar

I tipped more vodka past my tongue

And felt my tears begin to fall

With the bottle in my hand

And numbness setting in

I pushed myself to stand

And be my own best friend

A warmth grew from inside my heart

And I knew I was never alone

You were there with me from the start

Guiding me back to my home

Galileo

I'm wondering today
What Galileo felt
When he believed the Sun was the center
With no clear way to prove it.

Though he wasn't the first to believe it
He was the one who was most adament
And most ridiculed
Eventually having to concede to the objections.

Some people supported his beliefs,
Especially those close to him,
But opposition came from the only people
Who could stop him from pursuing his beliefs.

Outwardly he promised to let go
Of his outrageous beliefs,
But he worked in secret
Trying to prove what he believed in.

When he later publicized
And defended his beliefs
Those in power found him,
"Vehemently suspect of heresy"

He was forced to recant
And spent the rest of his life
Under house arrest,
Inwardly, still believing he was right.

It was then outlawed
To publish anything he wrote,
But he continued to write in secret,
Never knowing if it would ever be read.

While under house arrest
He became blind.
Ironic, given that he was able to see
So much more than his persecutors.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry.

I used to control it.

But it broke it's chain.

It ran wild.

I let it run...

For awhile.

But it was getting hurt.

And was running in circles

Getting dizzy.

Everytime I caught it,

it decided to run again.

Its prey...

Always just out of reach.

Until someone takes the prey away.

Or I chain him down again....

And take his freedom away.

A Lifetime, in one year.

Sometimes,

We are reminded of some of the most amazing moments,

Or the most amazing people,

By things that are ordinary to others.

This is my tribute to a year

That taught me how to love,

That showed me comfort,

That inspired me to go further.

In essense,

This was what made me

Feel that I can die a happy man

Because I learned how to smile with my soul.

So here is a series of photos

Found across the internet

That fits somewhere

Within my soul.

I'm not myself

I haven't been feeling like myself.
I've been swamped with negative thoughts.
I need to change this.
Pain or no pain,
I need to keep my heart from growing cold.

I think I need to change several things in my life.
I need to move.
I need to change my job.
I need to pursue wedding photography.
Just a few of the things I need to do.

I haven't been on a date in quite some time.
So I should start dating again.
I think that might help my attitude.
It'll be hard to find someone
Who will be anything close to the one in my heart,
But I guess I have to try.
She may never see what I see.

So I'm making myself work on these things
For the remainder of the week.
I will find myself again.
I need to find myself again.