I've decided to take a chance with things. I'm going to start advertising for my hypnosis and Reiki practice and see where it takes me. I've wanted to do this for so long, but I always held myself back...

I suppose I was afraid of failing.
I still am, but fear isn't a reason to hold yourself back.
I know I'm good at what I do...I was asked to speak at a convention..I'd say that would mean I have a pretty good reputation as a hypnotist.

I'm also trying to distance my heart for awhile.
I already see the signs pointing toward a broken heart if I keep letting my heart go.
I'm not letting that happen this time.
If she wants me, she needs to prove it before I put my heart into it.

My heart has taken a serious beating in my life and I always offer it up for the next girl to start abusing it. Maybe it's time to protect my heart for a little while. I don't want to feel used anymore.

It's time I focus on me.
Not forever..
but for now.
It's time for me to take some long strides toward some goals.

Enough

Stress does not begin to describe it.
I cried today for the first time in a long time.
It was too much.
I need a new job.
I need to move.
I need to change.

Can I please begin a relationship with someone who will put as much effort into the relationship as I will?

I'm tired of being the only one who tries in relationships.
I deserve a woman who will show that she appreciates me.
A woman who will do nice things simply because she cares about me.
A woman who will hold me close to her.
A woman who will be honest and loyal.
A woman who brings out the best in me.
A woman who will simply love me...

Because I will do all those things for her.

Opening doors

Last night was a breath of fresh air.
I've been feeling closed in...forgotten.
But spending the evening with Jaz opened the doors for me again.
We had wine..good wine..and talked about life, love, heartbreak, sex, goals...you name it, we talked about it.

It was like being with a lifelong friend.
With the exception of Kelly, Ingrid and Nichelle, I have never been that comfortable with someone.
When we were out, people probably thought we were a couple because of how close we were..
but who cares?

Her free spirit was intoxicating me.
It made me want to live...really live.
Her hugs are amazing! She doesn't just hug..you feel her emotions when she hugs..I love her for that.

She was fascinated with my chivalry, especially with it not being a date.
But that's me.
I respect women far too much to just let chivalry die.
Maybe I am a rare kind of guy...

But whatever..I'm happy today. Thanks to her for making me feel special again.

Nothing

She no longer shows her interest.
Not the way she used to anyway.
Others want me..but I've been loyal...
why?

We're not together..
I take her out..
I buy her things..
I show her I care...
I get nothing.

Nothing

Another Jasmine

This is Jasmine
another Jasmine
another free spirit
she captured me

The shoot was great, but I think I found another lifelong friend.
Her energy was almost tangible.
I look forward to the future rendezvous.

My patience is growing thin

Patience I have..
but I feel like I've waited long enough.
I still have to treat her as if we're dating.
But without the title
without the kisses
without anything that comes with a relationship.

Now I have others who are interested in me.
I want to wait.
but I don't want to wait.
How am I supposed to choose?